Boob-Voyage!

It has been 36 days since my last chemo and roughly 25 days of feeling well enough to really enjoy the world around me. It has been absolutely wonderful waking up each day knowing that my hair is starting to grow back, my appetite is getting back to normal, and my energy is back to where it once was. I joined the Livestrong program at my local YMCA back in January, and I am finally feeling like my strength is where it once was! I've been running again (despite the way the DREAD-mill makes my shins feel) and I actually made it to 3 miles last week! I was so proud of myself! There are 7 other people in my Livestrong group, and twice a week we meet up at the gym with our trainers to regain the strength, endurance, and confidence we all once had. It's nice because we all can relate to each other with our current or past cancer diagnoses, but it doesn't end up being the center of our attention. We are more focused on escaping the poor realities of cancer, creating lasting relationships, and working hard for ourselves! Unfortunately, I will need to miss these next few weeks as I undergo a bilateral mastectomy tomorrow and phase into the recovery stage of this part of my treatment. I am determined to head back to the gym, but I also recognize that I cannot push myself too hard too fast through this difficult step. I want to heal the best I can, so I will begin by walking and avoiding any lifting or reaching over my head, then progress when my body is ready and my doctors give me the go-ahead.

I described my thought process about my upcoming surgery in a previous post, but since then I have decided to take a different route that I should probably touch base on. Originally, I was planning on doing reconstruction at the time of my mastectomy with expanders and implants. I was told that this could be difficult with radiation coming up after surgery, but I figured I'd give it a shot. However, I met with my plastic surgeon two weeks ago to go over any questions I had and to review what my options were. Maybe I was going in more open-minded or maybe my surgeon was more clear about it all this time, but she seemed quite concerned about any risk that could possibly postpone my radiation. Yes, the expander/implant procedure at the time of my mastectomy could work smoothly, but with my small frame, there may not be as much 'cushion' to support them, which poses a risk for open wounds and needing to go back in for more surgery before radiation could even begin. Adding the step of reconstruction simply means a more extensive surgery, meaning more risk for infection, as well. We really just want to avoid any possible complications and ensure that we can begin radiation as quickly as possible! Ultimately, we worked together to decide that delaying reconstruction would be my safest decision. The reality is, I have a metastatic disease and I need to focus on saving my LIFE before saving my BOOBS!

I was having a hard time deciding on a plan for reconstruction before that appointment. Nothing was really settling well with me and I just wasn't happy with any path I chose. I think I was feeling forced to make a decision about reconstruction while still grappling with the fact that I have metastatic breast cancer that I need to take care of! The whole process was feeling rushed, but as soon as I left that meeting with my plastic surgeon and decided to delay reconstruction altogether, it was as if a HUGE weight was lifted off my chest (no pun intended!) I knew I had made the right decision. I had told so many people of my plan for immediate reconstruction, but I wasn't concerned about that. It's OKAY that I changed my mind. This is my life we are talking about and I don't care how many different directions I spin in, I am doing everything I possibly can to make sure I end up in the right place. For now, I can focus on getting rid of this cancer and then, I can worry about the way I look when I am ready. One step at a time.

Now that I made a decision on the type of surgery I would be getting, I also had to figure out what I needed to have in the house for myself during the time I am in recovery! I was told time and time again that pillows are KEY! Pillows for under my seat belt, under my arms, across my chest, in my bed, on the couch, everywhere! Some people mentioned getting a wedge, or a 'husband' pillow, but I was gifted a U-shape body pillow from a friend I know who went through a similar procedure that I am going to try. I'll update you on how it goes! I also needed to think about what to wear...and unfortunately it won't be my fancy blue jumpsuit (please refer to my NYFW post from last month)! I will not be able to lift my arms much, so I stocked up on button-up tops and zip-ups to easily slide on. I was told camisoles are good, too, if you can step into them and slide them up. For the first few weeks, I will have drains for excess fluid that comes with having this type of surgery, so I also needed to consider how to manage these. I've seen different products out there to help like lanyards, shirts with pouches inside them, and little belts you tie around your waist. Lucky for me, I follow a page on Instagram (@breastinpeace_) that promotes different products people all over the US are willing to donate that they've used during their mastectomies. I commented on one of their posts that included a drain belt, a hospital gown, a button up t-shirt, a tote bag, and a bracelet, and received it within a week! It was perfect! I didn't want to spend so much money for something so temporary. I am also very fortunate to have a local friend who went through this treatment process not too long ago and is also willing to pass along her favorite products that saved her during this step!

With all of the stress and planning that goes into the mastectomy phase of treatment, it's been kind of nice to enjoy this 'time off' with my family and friends. Since my last chemo over a month ago, I have had one infusion of Herceptin/Perjeta that lasted just 2.5 hours with zero side effects! Unfortunately, there's no wiggle room with the timing of this treatment, so I will need to go back for another round less than a week after my mastectomy...joy. I also received my first Zoladex shot just to the left of my belly button that puts my body into menopause and ensures that I do not produce any estrogen to fuel this ER+ fire. This also gave me very little side effects besides hot flashes, acne, no period, and no chance of pregnancy. Oddly enough, outside of these visits, I feel as if I'm cancer free! It's nice to feel somewhat normal again, but it's quite the reality check that behind all of these 'normal' days and big smiles, is a mind thinking about mastectomies and radiation, and a young woman's body still fighting off cancer.

As I get closer and closer to my surgery date, I am becoming more and more anxious about it. Last week, I was quite confident and not worrying about it at all, though. My mind was focusing on surprising my mom for her 60th birthday and getting ready to celebrate my "Boob-Voyage" party that my friends had been planning at Hooters. That's right, a party at Hooter's to give a final farewell to my boobs! I have some pretty kick-ass friends! It was such a fun girls night filled with lots of smiles and laughter, Passion Fruit cocktails with proceeds donated to breast cancer research, a DIY photo booth, and an incredible boob cake! I am so grateful to have so many wonderful women in my life that are ready to celebrate every chance we can get! We stick by each other and lift each other up during difficult times, and it truly makes this crazy life so much easier! This is the kind of tribe everyone needs!

So, it's finally here. Tomorrow is the day I go in for my bilateral mastectomy. As nervous as I am, I am so ready to get this thing over with so I can begin the recovery phase! I keep telling myself that this is all just temporary. I will be sore and this will be painful, but this too shall pass. I have warned my kids that Mommy may not be able to play with you like she usually does but everything will be back to normal before we know it! I am so grateful for my family and friends who have shown their support and offered anything and everything to make this recovery process go as smoothly as possible! I honestly don't know what I would do without such kind people in my life. Let's do this thing!