The Beginning of a New (Year's) Day

Today is January 1, 2019. It is New Year's Day...a day where many people begin new goals, make resolutions, absolve themselves of any negativity and bad habits in their lives. For some reason, people feel they need the start of a new year to have a 'clean slate' and to 'start fresh'. I suppose it makes sense...but I've never been one to make a solid 'New Year's resolution'. Sure, I've told myself that it's time to get in shape, eat healthy, and move more, but I think the timing just always lined up after stuffing my face with food for a month and receiving several discounted gym membership offers in the mail....

Lately, though, I've been taking things a bit slower, living one day at a time. For me, I don't know what each day is going to look or feel like. Instead, I've been creating a 'clean slate' and a 'fresh start' each and every day. If I'm having a bad day one day, whether it's pain or discomfort physically, or feeling sad or worried about my future, I have to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is always a new chance to wake up with a better mindset and to feel more refreshed. I feel grateful for my tomorrows. You really never know what tomorrow may bring you or who you may meet. Why wait for the new year to be more generous or to exercise? Why wait to slow down or practice saying 'no' every once in a while? If you really want to be this type of person that you envision for the new year, then just start it when the opportunity comes up! Don't wait. You never know what might get in the way of these goals down the road. Sometimes there may be speed bumps or detours, and sometimes you may never get there...

I have to say, I had a pretty eventful 2018. I closed up my home daycare and pursued a new endeavor in real estate, including coursework over the summer and passing my exam in October. I enjoyed many adventures with my little family of four including hikes, museums, the Ben & Jerry's factory, a flight down to Atlanta, a week on the Jersey shore, and lots of ice cream of course! I FINALLY got to see my childhood idol, Shania Twain, in concert in July (HUGE highlight in my life)!!! I also worked on my health by eating right and running more than I have ever run in my entire life! The year started off pretty great, and most of it was actually really fun! Sadly, it had a tough ending. I know I've said in previous posts that I am remaining positive through all of this, but reality is reality! Getting diagnosed with cancer sucks. It is not how I envisioned my year to end. Yes, I am happy that I was able to experience everything that I did earlier in the year, but no one will ever tell you that they are happy to throw cancer in the mix of everything else in their lives.

I wasn't planning on ending my real estate path after the exam...I had plans to work and start an actual career for myself. Now, that's all on the back burner until I get my health under control. I also wasn't planning to stop running...I had plans to finish my first half marathon. Now, I have to start training from the beginning again, whenever my heart can handle it after chemo is complete, I'm healed from my surgery, and radiation is done. There are things that I've missed out on, things that I wish I could say that I have done in 2018, that just never happened. Sure, there's always this year, and I hope that I can accomplish what I want in 2019, but that is simply not guaranteed. It's not guaranteed for anyone, because no one knows what tomorrow may bring.

In the big scheme of things, 2018 did not end as I wanted it to, and 2019 did not start like I wanted it to, but I have to say, today I am well, and I have high hopes for my tomorrow. Next week, I won't be feeling so great after Monday's infusion, but I need to take it one day at a time. I need to embrace the energy and appetite I have today. I need to take advantage of the quality time I have with my kids while I am able to get up off the couch to do a puzzle with them or take them to the library. I can't worry about next week, I need to appreciate today.

I made my 'resolution' to slow down back in October. I couldn't wait for the new year to be the person I wanted to be. I have always been the type to plan out my life years in advance and to rush through the small steps it takes to get to where I want to be. Now, I am working on living in the present. I am creating memories with my children now instead of worrying about where we are or what we will be doing years from now. Since my diagnosis, I've pushed myself to continue experiencing things outside of the hospital. We had a fantastic Wizard of Oz themed Halloween, went to the Blaze pumpkin festival, ate lots of food on Thanksgiving, visited with Santa in Sturbridge, took a train ride to the North Pole, spent quality time with friends, and enjoyed Christmas with all sides of our family. Cancer is not the journey I wanted to start last year, but it was not my only journey. I am proud of myself for not letting it get in the way of everything I could enjoy, and I am grateful that it pushed me to do things I wouldn't have otherwise done.

Even after this first course of treatment is complete, I hope to continue to feel pushed to experience things in the 'now'. No one knows for sure if 'five-years-from-now' will even exist for any of us, so we need to stop putting so many things off for next week, next month, or next year. Do it now. Call your friend you've been meaning to catch up with. Tell your loved ones you love them. Put your phone down and read a story to your child. Take a road trip. Be the person you want to be - today.